her funny, creative side
Happy Birthday you life of Joy.
I never imagined loving something so much, so small, so helpless, so beautiful.
You’re a beautiful young lady child now. I’m so proud.
Love, mom
Last night I really enjoyed church. I think what struck me most was when Paul talked about how there are some sins that just Christians commit. He was quoting from Eugene Peterson.
He mentioned that many of us as Christians are not so quick to judge a non-christian yet when it comes to each other we’re pretty harsh. We even judge each others judgment of others. sigh. This thought combined with a chapter from “Divine Nobodies” by Jim Palmer brought it all together for me why it’s so hard to separate our relationship with Christ and our relationship with “church people”. Jim Palmer says this after listening to hip hop artists recite poetry, “so there I was, in fear of losing my salvation, when the first poet in dreadlocks was introduced and approached the microphone, then another…and another…and another…and I’m not sure exactly at what point it happened, but somewhere along the way that night something happened inside me and I’ve never been quite right since. Right before my eyes, pouring out their souls in prose, the obscene, obnoxious, immoral, irreligious, and enraged were unmasked for the hurting, broken, searching, fearing, confused, weary, hopeless people they (and we) are. The main difference being, they are in touch with their desperation, and we nice church people are often so out of touch.”
I love Wheatland because we really don’t hide our humanity. We all come as we are. Paul and I have learned (hard lessons at times) that sometimes people think we shouldn’t have struggles because he’s a pastor and we should have it all figured out. We don’t. We try like everyone else though. God is perfect – His people are not. We set ourselves up for failure and disappointment when our faith is built on a person…not Jesus.
All this to say I’m really working on changing my thought process when it comes to people (Christians) I feel have “failed” me. I’m awful. I can think of all kinds of petulant things to be upset about. I like how Chesterton stated it when asked what was wrong with the world… “I am”.
Mini me is turning 13 this month. She’s so excited. I’m so amazed.
She’s such a joy. I love having such a happy child. She’s always smiling…ok, if we ask her to do anything manual laborwise the smile fades quickly. Oh and anything math or science related calls forth her Mr. Hyde. Other than that – she’s fun to have around.
She’s been planning this 13th occasion for some time now. She presented Paul and I with a letter suggesting how her birthday should be spent. Special friends, family members and of course what gifts are befitting of a teenager. She realizes how difficult it will be to get family here – Paul’s clan is in Texas and my parents and “T” are in Nebraska (opposite end of the state). Fortunately my brother and his wife and daughter are here – we’ll include them in the festivities. This week we have Paul’s niece here. His brother and sister-in-law made a special trip this weekend – Mini loves it (so do we).
Teenager gifts are so technically oriented. The cell phone is a “no”. The video camera might pan out. Her brother got one and they both love to use it. Amongst the other items listed were a digital camera, itouch and canvases. The canvases will most likely make the cut.
We will celebrate with dinner at SUMO’s and possibly a movie. We’ll have to see what’s showing.
13 – It’ll hit me
I’m finding it difficult once again to write new songs. The music isn’t the hard part…it’s the lyrics. I feel like everything I write sounds stupid or contrived. ugh…words.
“Aim at heaven and you’ll get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you’ll get neither.”
C.S. Lewis
It’s come around so quickly this year. Our service last night was really neat.
I loved seeing the bowl and cup Kim created for Wheatland sitting on the table while we were donned with an ashen cross on our foreheads.
The hands in the water at the end was memorable too…unfortunately we didn’t think about the cross being painted black. When I took it out of the water to dry it off I got black all over my fingers – oops. We won’t mention this to David Mullins who gave that cross to Paul. I think he even brought it back from Ireland as a gift.
I will say I liked our Ash Wednesday last year at the funeral home more than having it anywhere else. Leaving was a little more somber last year.
This year I choose to give up something that will allow me 20-30 mins. a day to really pray. I’ve needed a push to grow closer to God and I feel this is a great beginning.
I hope the same for any one who may be reading this. May God bless this time of Lent whether or not you’re celebrating it.
I absolutely LOVE H’s teacher. This year his 4th grade class is studying the Medieval Period which is made even more exciting for the kids by having a teacher who loves teaching this period in history.
For Valentines Day the children are to make castles to hold their valentines. They can make them as pretty or gruesome as they wish. Of course H desires the blood and gore route – love him.
I bought a couple scary looking dragons and paint that can double as blood. He also requested a grim reaper. I asked where he had heard of the reaper. He said, “around”. I asked, “around where?”.
“You know, around.” So I nodded like I knew exactly where around was.
This leaves me wondering who the heck my kids been hanging around? Doug and Karmen?
This post is purely about myself. It’s about the journey I’ve been on for 5+ years.
I’ve needed to change how pain and hurt affect the way I think and feel. It would be great if I learned to avoid pain and hurt…alas that is not to be. So, since these nasty emotional hindrances will always be there I have wanted to understand why I’m #1. so sensitive and #2. why it took so long to get over being hurt.
It turns out there are tons of reasons, some of them quite normal. Not only did (am) I set (setting) out to find an emotionally healthy balance, I’ve made new friends along the way who are on the same journey.
The most important piece of healthy thinking I’ve found so far is this…I’m going to be hurt. It’s ok. It’s not ok in my hurt to hurt back. Another healthy gem is learning to forgive. This doesn’t always = reconciliation but it’s vital to the healing of the heart. Sometimes I have to forgive an offense over and over. That’s ok too.
Trusting God is another move in the right direction. When I’m hurt/angry over crap that life throws my way I have to trust God to either right the wrong in His time OR help me get over it and move on. I usually want to take the matter into my own hands, shake the person/people involved and straighten things out, put everything on the table and clear the air. While that may help me feel better it’s not usually helpful to the other person. sigh, it would be so much easier though than waiting for God to handle things His way – the best way. You know, a little step by step plan how to handle hurt would be great. yeah, don’t say “the bible” because it’s not always perfectly clear. The part about love and forgive your neighbor as yourself is clear but what exactly does that entail? I think it’s different for different circumstances and people.
Anyway, I began this journey to seriously change the way I process hurt/pain because I didn’t always feel it was healthy. I also wanted our children to have something better than I did.
This is ongoing and always will be. I trust that every time I go through something less than fun in my relationships with others it will get better. My vulnerability and love will grow to where eventually it will come naturally not to want to defend myself but put the others feelings first.
A year or so ago I got interested in the “ONE” campaign that Bono from U2 started. From there I found the clothing site EDUN that Bono, his wife and another man started to create jobs in 3rd world countries.
I ordered a shirt a long time ago from EDUN and then joined their mailing list. A few months ago I decided to to look at their sales to see if there was something we could afford (it’s all pretty expensive). I found another shirt or two and placed my order. Weeks went by without anything so I notified UPS. They had a tracking number but didn’t have the item to ship. So I contacted EDUN by just hitting the reply to their emails to me. It was all very friendly and I ended up getting our shipment and a gift certificate. I emailed the person who had contacted me to set everything straight to thank them.
This is where it gets cool. He works with Bono and his wife. He emailed me back just being friendly. Now he’s one of my facebook friends. I was reading his profile and some of his messages – what a charmed life!
blogging has been sporadic for me lately. I’m taking a short recess to concentrate on piano, school and family. I’ll be back when things slow down!
love you all.
